Admittedly, this is not ideal for me, because I have had and continue to work on my own development as a queer man, and the concept of living partially back inside the closet is, frankly, a turn-off. So, then we are left with the question, how does one date a man in the closet?
What force is keeping them living in secret? Often it is fear; however, for some it could be as simple as requirements for their job or basic shyness. If the reason, other than fear, does not mesh well with your personal values, then I would advise discussing it with your prospective fella, and moving on from the prospect if there is no room to negotiate.
For certain, whatever annoys you about their closet is going to annoy you further down the relationship road, thus it "Dating a closeted gay guy" important to avoid such toxicity if it violates your values.
If the reason for his closet is fear, that is an entirely different animal altogether. Fear is an unfortunate, even tragic, human emotion, and should not be the main determinate of what you find attractive in a relationship. In a metaphoric sense, we all live in some form of closet, because we all have fears,
Dating a closeted gay guy if our fear is always present to us.
I think that you will discover that by finding compassion for a closeted prospect, you are also having compassion for yourself.
But, to make the dating relationship work, it is important to get to the root of the problem that is preventing your romantic interest from living a free and open life. So, talk about it, and listen as he shares. This is the beginning of true intimacy. Roy is a young, hot guy living in the Midwest USA.
He was a little late to coming out, and it was a costly move for him, as his career and many of his relationships suffered as he welcomed his identity as a gay man. Finding freedom in being free of his closet, Roy wanted nothing more than to be coupled as soon as possible. Roy learned his lesson, and was therefore much more open than some people to dating men with checkered or unusual backgrounds. Roy met Seth through an Dating a closeted gay guy like OnlyLads.
And the spark of attraction was immediate. They quickly learned that they were compatible in a number ways, especially in the bedroom. One problem, however, as Roy regaled me with the news one night over martinis was that Seth was still mostly in the closet. Seth worked in a highly conservative faith community, and he desired to continue his work, but also wanted to live freely as a gay man.
Of course, in the heat of their immediate spark each other, Seth did not want to disclose this fact about himself, because he assumed it would be problem. And, he was correct. Here, he had worked to overcome so much, and the first man who really resonated in his dating pool had an issue that reminded him of his past.
Roy and Seth talked it out, and they came to an agreement that they would not let this issue stifle their passion for one another, but that at some point they knew it would be an issue that would have to change.
This ability to recognize the tension around the issue, and to table it, allowed them to foster even greater intimacy. As passion gave way to love, Seth discovered that he wanted to make a change and come out.
And, with support from Roy he could do so. Roy and Seth are now married. Now, I am not promising any fairy tales if one chooses to pursue a closeted relationship. If anything, I am promising the reader that it most certainly will be a roadblock at some point to the future opportunity for any relationship to grow and sustain beyond just sex.
It is my belief that being open to new experiences in dating is paramount to find happiness in dating. Sign in Get started. Never miss a story from onlyladswhen you sign up for Medium.
Get updates Get updates. Dating someone still in the closet while you're already out can present some surrounding the fact that he was in a relationship with another man. as he was scared he would be treated differently after the "gay revelation.".